e+mail
diary+land
+in a dark time+
+01.24.04
+ 10:57 p.m.
+
I heard the wheels screaming across the pavement, brakes hit hard and then the ear splitting THUD and the laughter chasing the tail lights off into the dark.
and it was so silent then.
I ran down the highway chasing my mom and the cars flew by and it was so so cold
my skin went numb and we found him laying there
amongst the brambles and trash
one of the fawns we had watched since last spring
his back broken and his legs twisted up behind him.
the low gurgling moan rose into his throat and he bled on my hands.
my mom was crying and the neighbor ran for his gun
and the fawn just lay there
staring up at us
He eventually stopped struggling and the moaning started to fade and i watched the shotgun
i watched it in slow motion
i watched his head drop to the ground
i watched the life drain from his eyes
and my mom was still crying and the neighbor's wife was trying to comfort
her.
but she couldn't stop crying
she kept apologizing to the fawn over and over
"i'm so sorry...i'm so sorry..i'm so sorry"
and we were both still covered in blood.
He's still laying there now on the side of the road. His eyes are empty and his body is slowly beginning to freeze from the inside out.
It doesn't make me question the meaning of it all or
contemplate the significance of life and death.
it's just really fucking sad to watch the innocent die in your hands.