e+mail
diary+land
+"...you were good for nothing and I was even less..."+
+10.01.03
+ 7:29 p.m.
+
The air was chilly this morning. I dragged myself across campus and huddled in a doorway chainsmoking and memorizing Spanish verb endings.
That boy that stands next to me and smokes every morning wasn't there this morning and for one fleeting moment I considered all of the possibilities and scenarios that would be keeping him from school.
He could be fighting crime in some dark city, bettering humanity and stamping out evil one villian at a time...
He could be donating blood to be shipped to orphans in third world countries.
He could be laying dead in a gutter somewhere, pupils dialated and fixed on the early October sky hanging above him.
He could be stuck in traffic.
I finished my cigarette and climbed the three flights of stairs to class as the rest of the world moved past me in slow motion.
I never told him my name and he never asked. We've never even said more than 3 or 4 sentences to each other, most of them containing subjects such as "do you have a light?" If I passed him on the street I doubt I would recognize his face but when something that appears to be a constant in your life two mornings a week is suddenly disrupted, you take notice.
Well...
I'm used to disruption and I have regretfully learned that NOTHING is a constant these days. Even the most insignificant people in your life will eventually let you down.
That's why that moment was fleeting.